I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
