Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize