how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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