I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize