I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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