my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
