do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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