I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
