I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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