Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
