I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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