Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
