so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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