jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
