I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
