Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
