Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
