Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
