They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
