i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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