don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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