I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
