now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
