a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
