just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
