Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
