I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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