that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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