it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
