Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
