Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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