Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
