hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
