So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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