mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
