Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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