Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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