He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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