"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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