A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
