There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
