Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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