i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
