i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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