Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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