She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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