the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My penis needs a shock collar
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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