you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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