great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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