I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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