Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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