Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
