Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
