Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
